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A Time to Heal Adult version

Friday: A Long Time Coming

For a change it was actually a reasonable time of day when Jack drew near to home that Friday afternoon. He had left the base early to run an errand, getting the airman to drop him off in town. It had taken him well over an hour to walk, or at least dawdle, from the centre towards the rural outskirts where his house was situated.

Yeah 'dawdle' is right, Jack thought to himself ruefully. He wasn't sure why he had walked so slowly, he did have a lot of thinking to do and this was always a good way to do it. But that wasn't it, he just didn't know what he was going to do when he reached his destination. He was simply delaying the inevitable loneliness that would hit him as soon as he entered that empty house. It had never bothered him so much before, but lately Jack had realised just what was missing and now he couldn't get thoughts of Sara out of his mind.

It had almost seemed easier the first time she left. For a start he'd had things to do back then, like finding a place of his own so he could move out of their family home and leave it for Sara, knowing he could never withstand the memories that house would always hold for him anyway.

And it had taken months to fix up the decrepit ruin he had bought into something liveable. An absorbing task he had thrown himself into wholeheartedly, something to help him forget and move on. Except now he realised it had only been his body and mind that had moved on, his heart had stayed right back with Sara, resolutely refusing to budge, until he was forced to simply ignore that part of himself completely.

Now as debilitated as he was by his annoying injuries, he had nothing to immerse himself in that would require such complete concentration of physical and mental effort. Instead he was left with a wandering mind that had nowhere to go except back.

At least he was spending his time rebuilding bridges, first with Daniel and now the bar waitress whose head he'd managed to get smashed in almost exactly two weeks before. He had not stopped to talk with Maggie for long. She seemed really kind, but he had sensed she was the sort who would not be shy to ask questions and Jack wasn't sure he could handle another grilling right now.

Tomorrow it was Cassie's turn. At least applying some care and attention to mending that relationship would be a bit less like having teeth pulled, Jack decided with a soft smile.

If only he had been able to do the same with Sara, but he had always known that would be an impossible task. With them it was more like a suspension bridge, permanently jammed into the open position, with each one of them stranded on opposite sides of the river.

Now he was near home with a long evening ahead of him, and a gorgeous one at that. It was warm and sunny, slightly hazy from the heat. It gave him an excuse to sit out on the deck and watch the sun go down, but it was hardly going to fill up his evening, or his shattered life.

Jack had never acknowledged until now just how much he relied on his work for fulfilment, even his social life tended to revolve around his team or other members of the SGC. A case in point was the fact that the only thing he had planned for the weekend involved the base doctor and her daughter.

He had fended off Daniel's offer to come round and watch the game with him that weekend, not to mention the younger man's earlier suggestion for the whole team to descend on the Colonel's house for a few rounds of poker. Jack wasn't ready for anything like that yet. He still hadn't quite found his feet with other people in general. He could handle one at a time was about all, but at least he was getting plenty of practice at that.

Yeah, a lot of bridges to rebuild, he thought to himself again as he turned into his driveway and stopped in his tracks.

Parked on the gravel forecourt like some heavenly apparition was one sexy soft top black and chrome Wrangler Jeep. Jack swallowed, his pulse racing a little too fast as he tried to convince himself he was just hallucinating again. Until the vehicle's even sexier owner appeared from around the side of the house.

"Hi there," Sara greeted him lightly, "I was about to give up and get my lock pick out!" she grinned. "Well actually, to be honest, I was thinking about climbing the trellis to get in through that open window up there," she pointed to the second storey. "You really should be more careful about security you know. Anybody could get into your house."

Jack blinked, wondering whether he should pinch himself. He was slightly afraid that as soon as he spoke she would disappear in a puff of smoke.

Sara glanced at him, her apprehension increasing when he failed to speak, leaving her to continue to fill the void with inane chatter that would never pass her lips under less nervous circumstances.

She had returned home that morning to discover a strange message from Jack on her answering machine. An odd tone to his voice that had left her sleepless for several hours worrying about its significance. Eventually, she had woken up not long after lunchtime, feeling strangely lost and on edge, and had spent a long time lying in bed thinking about the obvious reason for her unease.

After three years apart and several months before that when they had only been living together in the sense that they still shared the same address, Sara was surprised when she realised the depth of feeling she retained for her ex-husband. Two weeks ago, she was able to justify her emotions by telling herself it was simply sympathy for what Jack had apparently suffered. Yet when she saw him last night he had looked so much better, apart from the odd puzzling bruise on his face that she couldn't recall seeing the first time and thought really should have faded by now.

So there was no reason for her to still feel sorry for him. She had to face facts. The strength of her love for him had never really faded at all, no matter how much she had convinced herself otherwise in the preceding lonely years. Sara knew she shouldn't even be considering getting involved with Jack again, yet somehow she couldn't help wondering what would happen if she did.

Contemplating whether it could possibly work out for better or worse and what harm might be done if she risked trying, Sara had remembered that early Saturday morning almost a fortnight before. She had thought of that kiss, an unrelenting passion burning within that had almost dissolved her reservations. She vividly recalled breaking away, turning from Jack's vulnerable gaze, telling him how she couldn't go through it again, how it hurt too much to be with him. And it did, there were so many unresolved issues between them, ones that were better left buried deep for both their sakes, surely?

Sara remembered how guilty she had felt for even letting herself be taken into his arms, for sharing such a tender kiss in the first place, knowing his weakened, susceptible state. She had tried her best to forget him in the last eighteen months since that strange encounter with Jack and his team. It had been the only way she could cope without being convinced she was totally losing her mind. At first she had desperately wanted to call him up and ask what the hell had happened, but she knew Jack would not be able to answer her questions and his unresponsive silence would have been even worse than never asking at all.

But now Sara knew she had been fooling herself to think she was over him, recalling how her heart had clenched painfully with Daniel's few words of explanation about Jack's condition. That the Colonel had been captured, held for over a week, shut up in a confined space. That, in Daniel's words, Jack got hurt pretty badly.

Above all, Sara remembered that brief encounter in his bathroom. The sight of his battered chest, the stark bruising, his pale face, the lost use of his right hand so heavily encased in plaster, and a timeless embrace. Her hands on his naked flesh, the strength of love that had resurged within her, an undying need to hold him unto eternity. It had taken all her resolve to release him, to walk away, her heart wrenching, the feel of his lips still burning her forehead where he had placed the softest of kisses. The sense of him watching her as she left.

She remembered saying goodbye to Daniel and driving away in her Jeep, reaching the seclusion of her own home before she had broken down and sobbed, her heart filled to breaking point with renewed grief, combined with anguish for what had been done to Jack. She missed him so badly and now she needed him even more. Sara desperately wanted to be able to hold him, comfort him, make everything better for him, soothe his nightmares and fulfil his dreams.

And she needed him for herself too. She needed the love that he could provide, the emotional balance that she had always felt when the two of them were together, a sense of equilibrium, the feeling of being whole again. She yearned to make love with him like they had before, at times gentle, comforting, or passionate, fiery, exciting, even dangerous. It had been all those things during their relationship, fulfilling the need and the craving with almost embarrassing frequency when they were together, making up for their time apart when Jack was so often called away from home.

A basic desire long repressed had resurfaced with that first tentative kiss nearly two weeks before, deep feelings surging forth as his lips brushed tenderly against hers. An almost overpowering urge to surrender into his arms that she had barely managed to suppress. And now Sara found herself regretting that she had ever done such a thing. Wishing that she had given into him, that they had shared their passion and love one more time.

So it was with a new resolve that Sara had climbed out of bed that lunchtime, determined to make one final effort to test the waters between them. She knew she was being selfish, that things could go horribly wrong and they could both get badly hurt, which was the last thing she wanted to do to Jack. Even so, she had to try. Instead of spending the rest of her life too afraid to commit to another relationship, she had to know whether there could ever be anything more between them, before she would finally be able to forget about the past and get on with her life.

So Sara had arrived outside Jack's home, finding it locked up, quiet and empty. She was wondering what to do next when he had turned into the drive, stopping in his tracks when he spotted her.

Sara's smile faltered nervously as she saw the way Jack was staring at her in shock. "I figured maybe the way to get you eating properly again might be with some home cooked food," she hesitantly began to explain her presence in his driveway. "And.......well, I realised you weren't up to doing much cooking for yourself, what with your hand and all, so I thought.......if you don't have anything planned for this evening.......that I'd come over and cook us both dinner, assuming you don't mind," she smiled sheepishly, praying he would say something, anything, or else she might just jump in her car and flee.

"Mind? How could I possibly mind!" Jack smiled curiously, still somewhat stunned by her surprising, but extremely welcome, appearance.

"Alternatively, we could just go out for milkshakes," Sara said lightly, attempting to break through the awkwardness.

"I think I'd rather stay in, especially if you're going to be here," Jack said almost bashfully, finally taking a step forward to open the front door and let her into his home.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Dinner will be about half an hour," Sara announced, stepping through the sliding doors onto the deck with a couple of drinks in her hands. She had banished Jack from the kitchen, flatly refusing his offers of help, sending him out to relax in the evening sunshine rather than having him watch her every move. Her nervousness growing along with her misgivings over what she could possibly be doing in his house, and how foolhardy her actions might prove to be.

Jack glanced up in response, a distant look in his eyes. He slowly focused on her, accepting the glass of juice that she offered him. "Thanks," he murmured softly, gazing at her smiling face, wishing he could see into her soul. He wondered if he could possibly read anything deeper in her arrival at his house than her professed intention to ensure he was fed properly for a change. She had shown no indication of wanting anything more and he knew he shouldn't even be thinking of such things. In fact he had been telling himself that for the last hour, as the heat of the day slowly waned and the sun began to set, perfectly timed for Sara's appearance outside.

"It's so beautiful here," she exclaimed quietly, sitting down in one of the wooden chairs and placing her glass of apple juice on the nearby table. Above the distant peaks, a few clouds were forming lazily, the sun's rays slowly turning them golden, through orange, and into pink hues as the ball of red fire gradually sank beyond the mountainous horizon.

Shifting his gaze from the setting sun back to Sara, Jack's heart clenched painfully as he saw the way her face was lit up in the golden glow, her eyes sparkling, clearly contented with her lot. And Jack knew he would do nothing to endanger her happiness, no matter how much he wanted to ask her to stay, he could never do it, not that night or any night.

That fact made his heart ache more badly than ever, crushed beneath a wave of loss that was becoming horribly familiar to him, every time he looked at Sara, her bright blue gaze, her warm smile. The impact was unbearable and Jack quickly glanced away, swallowing against the lump in his throat as he tried to focus back onto the sunset. Its colours now seeping into the mountains, slowly turning dull and shadowy against the encroaching night sky, the changing tones accompanying his despondency.

A buzzer sounded loud through the kitchen window that Sara had opened against the building heat from the oven and she excused herself to disappear back inside. Jack sighed deeply, taking the opportunity to gather his resolve, telling himself to just make the most of her company while it lasted that evening, no matter how chaste. Soon it would be over and she would be gone forever from his life again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Even Jack's non-existent appetite was beginning to be tempted with the tantalising smells wafting from the kitchen by the time Sara called him inside to eat. The meal was intentionally simple, enough so for even Jack's stomach to cope with and yet it was delicious. A home cooked vegetable lasagne, with a crisp green salad to accompany it.

Sara had deliberately avoided using meat, instead preferring to entice Jack's taste buds, apparently missing in action, with something healthy that would not be a strain on his bruised kidney. She had also wanted to find something that did not resemble fast food by any stretch of the imagination.

Concerned by his apparent queasiness when eating generally, Sara wondered if it was perhaps some sort of psychological rejection, the root of which she could not possibly imagine and wasn't sure that even Jack was aware of.

So it was heart warming for Sara to see the way Jack tucked into the meal, slowly at first, tentatively savouring an initial bite as if curious to see whether his stomach would accept it or if his taste buds would acknowledge the flavour. Soon he was hungrily eating both salad and lasagne, taking full forks at a time, none of the forced picking and nibbling Sara had witnessed in the diner the previous day.

If this was the reaction Jack had to proper home cooked food, perhaps she would simply have to keep turning up on his doorstep with an arm full of groceries until he finally regained some of the weight he had lost during the last seven weeks.

That thought pulled her up short and Sara wondered sadly whether he would ever reveal anything of that time to her, whether he would ever let her back into his heart to help share even the tiniest burden of what he had endured. She swallowed a mouthful of lettuce past the lump now constricting her throat, uncertain of what the remaining evening would bring and suddenly afraid that this might be the last time they would share anything good together.

When they had finished eating, Sara offered Jack dessert, basically a selection of fresh fruit. But he assured her he was completely full, having cleaned his plate of the reasonably sized portion she had tested him with, and reiterated his glowing remarks about her delicious cooking.

"Thanks," he finished almost shyly, "You know you didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"I wanted to Jack," Sara told him, adding quietly, "I needed to do something, for my own sake."

Jack looked at her, holding her gaze with his soft brown eyes and Sara felt herself relaxing at last, certain that, no matter what happened that evening, it could not possibly be the last time she ever saw that face, she wouldn't allow it to be.

She shifted in her seat, reaching across to gather the dishes as she pushed the chair away from the table and stood up.

"I'll wash up," Jack offered, "I think I can at least manage that one handed."

Not for the first time, his self-deprecating smile made her go weak at the knees and Sara inwardly scolded herself for such ridiculous behaviour. Still it stopped her from arguing with him and she dutifully followed him into the kitchen, carrying dirty crockery to place on the counter as he began to run hot water into the sink.

Sara finished clearing the table, then returned to grab a tea towel. She began to wipe the dishes dry before stacking them on the counter to put away, hoping she could remember where she had found them all in the first place.

Jack practically had to hold his right hand behind his back in order to stop himself from grabbing plates and glasses with it. The temptation to overdo his use of it too soon was increasing with every fraction of new movement he got from his fingers each time he exercised them. Still he soon got into a rhythm with his left hand, dunking, wiping and placing crockery on the drainer.

They worked in comfortable silence, except for the sound of splashing water and clinking china. As Jack placed the last dripping plate onto the rack, Sara's hand reached out to pick up one already there. Their fingers brushed together briefly and Jack heard Sara's soft gasp of surprise as a spark of electricity passed between them. They both pulled away as if burnt, stunned that the simple touch had produced such a tingling response.

For a long awkward moment neither of them moved, then Jack quickly stuck his hand back beneath the soapy water before he was tempted to do anything stupid with it. The urge to take Sara into his arms and kiss her until they were both breathless was growing so powerful that it was taking all his concentration to suppress it, but he knew one wrong move and she would be straight out the door and out of his life for good.

Instead Jack fished around at length in the sink, hunting for any missed items of cutlery and trying to ignore the tension he could feel emanating from Sara still standing so close to him. His task finished, he rinsed away the suds and moved back from the sink to grab a towel and dry his hand.

Sara felt his eyes watching her closely as she continued to wipe crockery trying to pretend that nothing had happened, which wasn't that far from the truth, she told herself beratingly. Finally she turned around to meet his hooded gaze, "Why don't you go on into the den, I'll finish putting this stuff away and make some coffee. Do you want any?" He shook his head. "Hot drink? Juice? Water?"

Jack continued his negative gestures until the list ended. "Sure I can't do anything else?" he asked quietly, a confused frown briefly revealing itself like a shadow across his face as he desperately tried to read her expression.

"No, I've got this covered. I'll only be a few minutes," Sara assured him a little too brightly.

Jack nodded reluctantly and pushed off the counter where he was leaning. Replacing the towel on the hook, he glanced once more in Sara's direction, but she had her back to him, taking particular care over drying a glass. Jack frowned again, then shook his head and left the room.

Entering the den, he sank down onto the sofa with a sigh and laid back against the arm, raising his feet onto the opposite end and fidgeting slightly until he got comfortable. He stared out through the open door at the dark night sky, rubbing his eyes tiredly and stifling a yawn, wishing he could figure out what might be going on inside Sara's head.

She had him so off balance and he knew it was not intentional on her part, it was purely his own fault. He couldn't help imagining what it would be like for them to be together again, not just in the physical sense, but the way they had always been from the moment they met. Sara had made him feel complete, as though that final missing piece of the puzzle had been slotted into place. He had found someone to share his life with, to take part in his triumphs, to give comfort and solace when needed and allow him to do the same in return.

Jack knew the love he felt for Sara could never be matched and for that he felt an immense loss, knowing he would never again experience such a fulfilling relationship in this lifetime. It seemed so final, but it was also realistic. He loved her too much, he always would. Noone else could ever have his heart in that way all the time she still owned it, lock stock and barrel.

Rubbing his face wearily, Jack wondered how it had gone so wrong, knowing that he had been the one to blame. They had always been best friends as well as lovers, supporting each other through thick and thin until that dreadful moment when their world had come crashing down and time had drawn all good things to an end. It had been several years now, but every single second of that day was still so painfully fresh in his mind that it hurt just to even contemplate remembering it.

Jack closed his eyes to the threatening images, not wanting to go there, trying to blank out his thoughts, to push away the vivid memories of the death of his child. He needed to shove them back into the deepest recesses of his mind where he had kept them locked up tight since the day it had happened, festering and brooding until he had driven Sara away and lost everyone he had ever loved.

At the time, it had suited him far better that way. By isolating himself there was less of a danger that he would actually have to face his feelings, the blame and torment he felt over what had occurred. The unspeakable grief of knowing he would never see his son grow up, never share the ball games of his childhood, the rebellious stories of his teenage years, or witness the wondrous events as the boy became a man and perhaps had children of his own.

Unable to stop himself, Jack was trapped by his memories, the floodgates had been opened by his prying mind, unable to leave it alone. Instead lying there wondering about Sara had brought to the fore all those lost hopes for their life together. Subconsciously Jack knew his only escape was to drift away from it all, and he was unable to stop himself from sinking into a tired doze, one corner of his mind praying he would not take his memories with him this time.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was with a certain amount of trepidation that Sara eventually wandered into the dimly lit den. She had boxed up the leftover food and placed it into the refrigerator before making herself some coffee and finding the correct home for all the cutlery and dishes they had used. Now she was uncertain of her next move, somewhat unsettled that a simple touch of Jack's hand had such an effect on her, and worried by the apparent lack of any similar feeling sparked within himself.

She placed her cup down onto the coffee table and glanced across at Jack. A slight smile crossed her face when she realised he was asleep, eyes closed, his chest rising and falling shallowly. Sara stood hesitating for a moment, wondering if she should simply go home and leave him to rest, knowing this was her chance to escape if she wanted to. But she couldn't do it, she wasn't ready to leave, not yet. Instead she sank down into the comfortably worn armchair beside the fireplace to watch over him for awhile.

Gazing at his face, softly lit by the single side lamp switched on at the opposite end of the sofa, Sara couldn't help notice how boyish he still looked when he was sleeping, even though his hair was now turning grey. Colour which had not been present the last time she saw him, albeit briefly, over eighteen months ago.

Starting from his temples, the grey was slowly spreading in a way that just seemed to make him even more handsome. His high cheekbones still stood out a little too prominently from the loss of weight, simply adding to the look of vulnerability about him as he slept.

Sara couldn't help being curious to see whether Jack really was sleeping better as he had assured her that previous evening. She regarded him closely, seeking any of the same outward indications from when his nightmare induced cry had disturbed her dozing, early that Saturday morning two weeks before.

Whilst she watched, Jack's breathing began to quicken slightly, his sleep becoming more restless. He gradually shifted onto his right side, curling up into a ball, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. Sara recognised the signs immediately, not only had she seen them just a fortnight ago, but also years before.

For a long time after he had returned from Iraq, Jack had suffered countless nightmares, shocking and frightening disturbances that she had never known the truth behind and he would never tell her, wanting to protect her from the appalling reality of it. Instead Sara's own imagination had exacerbated the impact on her tenfold, filling in the gaps to fit what she saw on his face and heard in his sleep with what she had seen on the news every day since he had left their home, sent off to fight in some far away desert.

At the time, watching the reality of war, live on television, knowing Jack was somewhere in the middle of it, was the worst experience of Sara's life. A state rapidly superseded, first by the initial telephone call to say that her husband was missing in action, presumed dead, and then by the discovery that he was actually alive, but being held captive in a prison camp.

That had been the real beginning of her nightmare, knowing that Jack was still out there, alone and suffering. Sara had seen the news reports, the POWs paraded in front of the cameras by the Iraqis, battered and beaten, subjected to horrendous deprivations until they would do anything, say anything, even to millions of viewers around the world.

The helplessness she had felt with that new knowledge had been almost too much to handle, if it were not for her undying hope that some day they might still be together again. But seeing him in the hospital for the first time since his release left her angry and confused, not knowing whether he would ever be the same again, whether hope and love would ever be enough.

Of course, she had never told him. She could never burden him with her own feelings on the matter when he already had too much to bear, too much to forget. Jack had enough to face, struggling to overcome his injuries and his fears, so all Sara had been able to do was offer her husband comfort and understanding, love and support. Something that she again felt compelled to provide now, at the
sight of his new nightmare, more suffering that he had been forced to endure. Something that simply served to remind her how she had never stopped loving him, how that was never the reason she had left him.

It had been Jack's refusal to let her in after Charlie's death that had driven Sara away, his refusal to spread the burden of responsibility that he felt, or to allow them to help each other. If he had only been willing to share what was in his heart, to accept forgiveness, then perhaps they would still be together, perhaps.

But after everything Jack had been through, everything he had learned from his appalling experiences, the most valuable lesson was one he had never applied to himself - the ability to forgive.

Now whilst Sara watched, Jack's sleep was becoming increasingly disturbed. His lips moved soundlessly, his face creasing in the grip of emotions that left her wondering what could possibly be causing them this time. Expressions of fear, horror and grief contorted his features, their appearance made even more shocking when Jack suddenly called out her name, an anguished cry from the depths of his torment, "Sara!"

Startled not only by the word but by the way he said it, Sara's heart thudded in her chest, pounding painfully hard. She stared at him open mouthed, wondering how she had come to be included in one of Jack's nightmares. And in that moment, Sara knew that she had to find out the truth, no matter how hurtful the discovery might be, before she could ever consider any renewed relationship with this man.

That thought pulled her up short, and for the first time she realised that was really what she was considering doing, re-establishing some form of relationship with her ex-husband. And somehow the idea no longer frightened her like it had before, in fact the thought of not trying, of spending the rest of her life wondering 'what if', scared her more. If only they could address some of the problems between them.

Jack began tossing and turning in his sleep, mumbling painfully, incoherently. The anguish in his tone was distressing, heart rending. Sara stood up and crossed the room, kneeling down on the floor beside the sofa. She reached out a hand hesitantly, needing to touch him but reluctant to wake him from the grip of such a terrifying nightmare for fear of the psychological toll it could have on him. Still she desperately wanted to comfort him, to somehow pull him back into a dreamless state, for her own sake as much as for his.

Laying her fingertips lightly on his head, she stroked his tousled hair, whispering soft assurances and trying to soothe away his nightmares.

When Jack eventually began to settle, Sara sat back on her heels. Her fingers absently brushed a strand of hair from his face, trailing down his cheek to trace the line of his jaw, a wistful smile curving the corners of her mouth. Catching herself in her daydream, she pulled her hand away quickly, wondering what on earth she was doing thinking any such thoughts with so many unresolved issues floating between them.

As if sensing the loss of her contact, Jack's eyelids fluttered. Ethereal images drifted loosely in the forefront of his mind, their impact only slightly dulled by his more gradual awakening. Awareness slowly returned to him, bringing with it the horribly familiar sense of grief for the end of his family.

When Jack opened his eyes, his first sight was like an oasis in his isolated world. A pretty blonde head and a pair of sparkling blue eyes gazed at him, curious and concerned as he came back to the present. He blinked at her with such vulnerability in that unprotected moment between wakefulness and sleep. A lost look in his liquid brown eyes that tugged at Sara's heart, crumbling her remaining defences.

He smiled weakly, his voice soft, surprised, "You're here." He lifted his hand to her face as if needing proof of contact, stroking a shaking finger down her cheek.

Sara leaned into his hand, powerless to deny him or to repress her own needs any longer. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she surrendered to his tentative touch, holding his gaze, feeling the lightness of his fingertips tenderly trailing down the line of her jaw to brush against her neck.

Jack stared at her, chewing his lip slightly, acting on instinct alone. He hesitantly moved his hand over the silky blouse covering her shoulder, burying his fingers within the soft strands of hair falling at the nape of her neck. The pressure he applied was almost non-existent, but still she responded, tilting towards him, vaguely wondering which one of them was more nervous as her face reflected his own anxious expression.

The initial touch was so delicate, a whisper of breath between them as their lips tentatively met. But the effect was electrifying and Sara felt all conscious thought slipping away from her, losing herself in his kiss, barely able to breathe as the intensity increased and they both responded equally.

Jack slid his feet to the floor, sitting up, his lips on hers as she stretched up towards him, their heads almost on a level par. Their eyes closed, freeing the senses to feel, hear, touch, taste, to soak up the moment and absorb every spellbinding second of contact between them.

Placing his right hand lightly on the back of Sara's head, Jack let his strapped fingers entangle loosely in her blonde hair, moving his left hand to caress her cheek with his thumb. His fingers trailed down her neck, resting on the smooth warm skin at the edge of her blouse guilelessly.

Sara's hands gripped his strong shoulders, massaging his firm muscles beneath her fingertips, slowly drifting beneath his denim shirt to trace the line of his collar bone through his soft cotton t-shirt. Her light touch nuzzled his neck, stroking against the tendons that shifted as his mouth moved on hers.

Reaching the back of his head, Sara's fingers played in his hair, tousling the soft strands as she pulled him nearer, tighter, her lips pressing against him harder as their kiss grew more powerful. She moved in even closer, wrapping him in her embrace until she could feel his heart thudding against her body. Trailing her fingers down over the muscles of his back, she felt him respond in the same way. Permission given in her own movements, he brushed his fingertips down her spine with a touch so sensuous it raised goosebumps on her skin.

Sara shivered delightfully, deepening the kiss, letting herself go in the heat of increasing desire. She tangled her tongue with his, raking her fingers down his back in a way that made him shudder.

She leaned against him, deliberately nudging him off balance to lie back on the sofa. Her hand pushed at his left side and Jack gasped in painful surprise against her mouth.

Sara pulled back, her brain suddenly switching gears at his reaction, sensible thought returning to her as she drew away, panting and swaying on her knees as she regarded him carefully. Her lips were swollen red with their kisses, her hair as mussed as his.

Jack gazed back, almost afraid to move, not wishing to do anything to cause her to stop the heavenly advances she was making towards him. He blinked at her, breathing hard and trying not to wince at the sudden pain flaring in his ribs. His pulse raced, their heated contact still tingling on his lips.

Sara looked at him, debating with herself between common sense and foolhardiness, unwilling to give in to either. She noticed the dark shadows under his eyes, letting herself delay the decision with a simple manoeuvre. "It's getting late. You've still got a lot of sleep to catch up on, you ought to be in bed," she told him gently.

Jack smothered his dejected look before it was even revealed, half expecting her words, recognising the end to her moment of weakness. He swallowed dryly, his voice husky, saying the first thing that came into his head in an effort to stop himself from asking her to stay. No matter how much he wanted her to, he would never attempt to push her into that.

"Actually I thought I'd sleep on the deck tonight," Jack admitted sheepishly, the remnants of his nightmare still too fresh in his mind to contemplate staying indoors alone. "It's a crystal clear sky," he added as if to give a better reason for wanting to be outside.

Sara knew the truth, she remembered only too well the countless nights, so many years ago, when he had slept in the backyard alone instead of staying in their own bed.

"No you don't, not tonight, Colonel," she responded forcefully in a manner that Jack knew would have to be obeyed, for the moment at least.

Sara pulled the sliding doors closed and locked them, gesturing with her hand to urge him upstairs. "Bed!" she said in a motherly tone and Jack's sense of loss increased almost unbearably, knowing she was about to leave him again. Yet all he could do was stand up and follow her orders, heading out into the hall towards the stairs, utterly bereft.

Sara watched Jack leave the room, catching herself admiring the way he moved, fluidly, without one iota of wasted energy in his motion. His black jeans hugged his hips and legs as he walked away, the pale blue denim shirt tucked into his waist, serving to accentuate his tall slim frame. She gazed after him thoughtfully as he disappeared up the stairs, then she did a quick check around the ground floor and ensured everything in the kitchen was switched off and closed up.

It gave her time enough to make one decision that was not surprisingly easy considering all the lustful thoughts in her head, so long as she refused to listen to the little voice that told her she was being weak, that she was ignoring the real issues. Sara went along to the front door and secured the latch, turning towards the stairs with a smile of anticipation lighting her face.

When she reached the bedroom, Jack had opened the window wide to the cool late evening breeze and was sitting on the bed, looking lost and fiddling aimlessly with his shoes.

"Here let me help you," Sara grinned, announcing her presence and enjoying his startled look as she moved towards him.

"I thought you were going," Jack said, eventually finding his voice as he watched her kneel down beside him to slowly unzip his leather boots.

Sara looked up, boldly holding his gaze, smiling with a look that was heavy with her intentions, "Do you want me to?" she asked softly.

Jack shook his head, swallowing nervously, trying not to get his hopes up by her unexpected appearance in his bedroom. He barely dared to breathe, completely unsettled by her actions so far that evening. Knowing how fragile a line they were walking, he felt utterly powerless to make any moves for fear of upsetting the balance in the wrong direction. The lack of control was unnerving to him, all he could do was wait to see what would happen next.

Sara slipped his boots off and stretched up towards him, her hands trailing languorously up his legs. She slowly pushed his knees apart to nestle her body between them, letting her desire overtake all cognitive thought, loving the smile of sweet surprise on his face.

Her fingertips traced patterns across his thighs and rested on his hips as she moved nearer. She tilted her head up towards him to renew contact with his lips, gentle at first, a whisper soft breath on his mouth to test his response. Jack moved his hand to the back of her neck, his fingers playing in her hair, pulling her closer for the tenderest of kisses. His lips brushed hers tentatively, their need increasing as she leaned into him, her jaw moving eagerly, hungry for the taste and the feel of him after years of repressed longing.

With growing yearning, Sara's hands began to move across his abdomen, her fingers raking circles over his jeans, edging inexorably closer to his groin with each tantalising pass.

Jack closed his eyes and gave into the sensations she was provoking within him, kissing her breathlessly, wrapping his arms around her slim waist to draw her near. His left hand stroked her back through the silky material of her blouse, his strapped up right fingers tangling in her soft blonde hair as he hugged her body against him, loving the feel of her after so long apart.

Her fingernails scraped against the zip fastening of his jeans, sending exquisite vibrations into his groin, already hardened from their passionate embrace on the sofa. She felt his breathy moan in her mouth, letting her fingers fondle him, firmly rubbing the thick denim covering him until he shuddered to her touch, the power of his kiss growing, pressing against her lips ardently.

Her hands continued their progression, moving lightly across his chest and around to his back, her fingers running up and down his spine, producing a shiver of reaction beneath his denim shirt. She raised them higher, stroking his neck and tousling his hair, coming to rest in the soft brown strands as she leaned into his mouth even harder. Her tongue pushed between his teeth, tangling with his own deliciously, tasting him, savouring the assault on her senses as his hands traced sensuous patterns on her back and shoulders.

Breathless, Sara gradually softened the kiss, her hands drifting over Jack's collar to his chest. She pulled away from his grasp slightly to reach for the top button of his shirt, slowly undoing it, then moving to the next one, her fingernails raking a path down over his soft white t-shirt.

When she eventually reached his waist, she moved her fingers lower again, teasingly stroking him through the constraining black jeans, feeling him shudder delightfully. She fought back her eagerness to undo his belt and release him, instead gently pulling his shirt from his waist. She finished undoing the last couple of buttons and pushed the denim off his shoulders, finally parting from his lips with a whisper light kiss so that she could drag each sleeve slowly down his arms. Panting, her face flushed, Sara carefully eased the cuff of his shirt over the strapping on his right hand.

Breathing hard, Jack's free hand stroked up her back to her shoulder as she moved away from his embrace, relishing the feel of her warm body beneath the silky cream blouse she was wearing. His fingers trailed down her tanned arm, tickling the smooth bare skin in the crook of her elbow, raising goosebumps in his wake.

When Sara stretched across to remove his other sleeve her midriff showed above her jeans and Jack tried to move his hand to touch her naked skin. Catching his intentions out of the corner of her eye, she backed away just far enough out of reach of his probing fingertips, trailing her hands down his long muscular legs. She sat back on her heels to gaze at him wickedly, knowing exactly what she was doing to him and wanting to make the most of the rare power she had over him.

Never one to give in easily, Jack shifted tack, letting his fingers brush against her right breast, pausing to rub against her erect nipple pushing at the silky confines of her bra. Smiling at the catch in her breath, he deftly undid the top button of her blouse, moving down to the next one before she could react.

Sara closed her eyes to the delicious sensation, leaning into his left hand willingly as his fingers stroked the silky skin of her neck, tracing a path from her jaw, over her collar bone, down to where her soft breasts peeked out tantalisingly beneath the lacy edge of her bra. Goosebumps spread over her bare flesh as his fingers brushed against her.

He undid one more constricting button and moved his fingertips inside to rub against the silky material of her bra, teasing her nipples firm and erect between his fingers, squeezing just hard enough to produce the desired effect. Jack smiled, a glint in his eye as he saw Sara bite her lip against the wave of pleasure he was provoking within her, almost threatening her concentration on the long drawn out process she was intent on pursuing.

Fighting fire with fire, Sara leaned into him again, arching her back to push harder against his probing fingers and moving her own hands up to his chest, teasing his nipples into firm nubs beneath the soft white cotton of his t-shirt. She moved closer, pressing her pelvis into his groin, rubbing her body against his hardness, feeling his hand respond to clasp her firm breast, massaging, slipping long fingers beneath the lace to play with a nipple. She responded with an ecstatic groan, raking her fingernails across his shoulders and down his back, feeling him shudder beneath her, their need for each other growing intensely with every move.

Sara leaned in to smother his mouth, grasping his lip between her teeth to bite down pleasurably. Her breath mixed with his, their tongues tangled together, kissing with increasing ferocity, until she could bear it no more, longing to feel his naked flesh beneath her fingertips. She pulled his t-shirt from the back of his jeans and pushed her hands beneath it to feel his warm smooth skin. She hugged him closer as her fingers kneaded his strong back, enabling him to do the same to her, his hand rising beneath her blouse leaving a trail of fire in his wake.

Panting breathlessly, Sara gazed at him, his eyes locked on hers, heavy with desire. Intent on milking every exquisite moment from the experience, Sara tried to slow things down, moving her lips to gently kiss the faded bruise on his chin. Nuzzling her head against his shoulder, she placed hot kisses on his neck, making a path along his jaw line to nibble his ear lobe. He shivered deliciously, his eyes closing, absorbing the sensation, goosebumps rising on his flesh from her soft whispers of breath.

She shifted again, pulling away slightly to slowly finish easing his t-shirt from the belt of his jeans. Her fingers starting at the small of his back, running around his waist across his abdomen to gradually lift the cotton material. Her hands lingered against his smooth warm skin as she raised the shirt higher up his chest.

Jack came back down to earth with a bump when he heard her sharp intake of breath, opening his eyes to see the horrified look on her face at the discovery of such appalling new damage beneath his t-shirt.

"Jack, what happened.......I don't understand," she stammered, her voice a strangled cry. She pushed the material higher, almost frantically searching out every mark discolouring his chest and stomach. New bruises on top of old ones, the fresher damage mixing starkly with his original paler injuries.

Jack looked down to where her gaze came to rest, her shining blue eyes fixed on his left side. He chewed his lip nervously as he regarded the sight of the still pink scar, the stitches now removed. A huge blackened bruise showed below it, slowly beginning to fade, but barely twelve days old, not enough time for the colour to have less impact on her unsuspecting eyes.

He stared at her guiltily, his heart wrenching when he saw the tears in her eyes. He didn't know what to say, he had no explanation to offer her that would not give her more cause for concern. Jack was completely unprepared for this. Never in a million years had he thought he would be in this situation, a distant hope maybe, but hope was never normally enough and he didn't believe in miracles. Yet here she was. Here they were.

Jack swallowed painfully. "Hit by a truck?" he offered feebly, reaching his hand to brush hair from her tearful eyes.

"Jack," Sara's voice was almost a sob, "You've got to stop letting people use you for a punching bag."

"Sara, it wasn't like that," Jack said softly, searching for words to explain, anything he could say that might make her feel better. "It was just part of the same um.......problem," he winced at how bad that sounded. "Same thing, different time and place, that's all. Honestly, this isn't a regular occurrence," he added desperately.

She gave him a look so doubtful, so heart rending, it caused him to impart the one further piece of information he knew she probably would not want to hear, but which he hoped might at least reassure her. "It's over Sara, the other guy came off a lot worse," he murmured emphatically, cupping her cheek in his hand to gaze into her watery blue eyes.

Sara abruptly pulled away from his touch, rocking back on her heels to regard him uncertainly, then she shook her head remorsefully. Wiping a hand over her eyes, she stood up and walked away, and Jack felt the grief and loss all over again, slamming him in the heart like a fist. He held his breath, rubbing his face with his hand nervously as he watched her every move, reluctant to speak anymore for fear of making the situation even worse, wondering how he could possibly deal with the pain if he lost her again now.

Sara stood staring out the window into the black night, seeing only her own accusing reflection glaring back. She turned her head slightly until she saw Jack's face in the glass. He was gazing at her silently, waiting for her next move.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Sara said finally, almost to herself, her soft voice plaintive, "How can I get involved with all that again?" She turned to face him, slumping down onto the couch beneath the window, somewhere in the back of her mind vaguely wondering just why Jack did have a sofa in his bedroom.

She gazed into his liquid brown eyes looking for an answer she knew he was unable to provide. "I mean, I know what you do is secret," she began haltingly, looking down at her hands twisting in her lap nervously, "I could accept that before. But I guess I always assumed that eventually things would change, that you'd get a safer post, that I could stop worrying about you." She shrugged miserably, "Because I do worry Jack, I never stopped worrying. That 'other' encounter didn't exactly help either," she added quietly. "And the very idea of you being captive again tears me apart," she glanced up at him tearfully, seeing the look of surprise on his face.

"How do you know about that?" he whispered hoarsely, shocked by her apparent knowledge of the incident.

"Daniel told me, that Saturday when I called him round here," she told him quietly. Seeing a look of fury cross his features, she added quickly, "Don't blame Daniel, Jack. I was upset," she gestured futilely, "He was upset. We were worried about you Jack, there's a lot of it going about."

"Daniel had no right to tell you anything," Jack hissed. "You don't have to worry about me, Sara," he insisted infuriatingly, "I'm fine."

"Really? Well I'm sorry if I don't believe you!" Sara exclaimed hotly, "Take a look at yourself, Jack! Look at the damage that keeps being inflicted upon you," her voice caught in a sob and she wiped a trembling hand over her eyes. "I can't do this," she shook her head miserably, standing up and fastening her blouse as she walked towards the door.

Jack silently watched her go, feeling that fist grip his heart tightly, twisting it, squeezing, until he thought it would shatter into a million pieces. Still he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear, how would it possibly help?

Sara faltered in the doorway, one hand on the jamb as if to stop herself. Suddenly realising that to walk through that exit would be to finally close off this part of her life forever, something she could not do without a fight, not anymore, not after what they had begun to share this day. No, something had to give.

Jack held his breath, studying the tension in her shoulders, the way her fingers were nervously tapping against the wooden door frame. He wished he could place his hands on her body, pull her into his embrace, make every one of her nightmares go away. But he knew that by telling Sara even the smallest truth about what had happened to him, it would only add to her pain and cause her to worry even more. So all he could do was watch and wait, not daring to move, unable to approach for fear it would drive her away completely.

"Jack, you don't have to protect us," Sara took a deep breath then turned to face his confused look," Daniel and me. You don't always have to protect us." She took a single step back into the room, giving him hope with that simple movement. "We're grown adults, we can take whatever is thrown at us. You know I have. Judging by the look in Daniel's eyes, I get the feeling he has too," she shrugged knowing she wasn't expressing herself very well, but she was so desperate to try and get through to him one last time. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no worse nightmare than not knowing the truth. The imagination always manages to conjure up something so much worse."

"Not this time," Jack said with a pained expression, his voice so soft it was barely audible.

Sara gazed at him. "Tell me, Jack."

"I can't!" Jack's voice hitched in his throat, turning away from her penetrating eyes, "I won't put you through that."

"Then I guess we have nothing more to say," Sara said resolutely, refusing to give in to her desperate desire to hold him, to feel his warm body against hers, knowing for it to even begin to work this time, it would have to be all or nothing. She had been fooling herself to think otherwise.

Jack gazed at her, trapped and confused. He swallowed, trying to figure out whether there was anything he could say. He knew it wasn't just his stubborn pride, but also his fierce need to protect her that was stopping him from speaking. There was little of a classified nature to the whole affair, he couldn't honestly hide behind that excuse. He could reveal a lot of the truth if he only let himself, but how would that help Sara? Hadn't she been through enough already?

"What did Daniel tell you?" he asked finally, looking for a way out.

"He told me you were captured, held for over a week in a confined space," her voice quivered slightly, "That you got hurt badly. And I know he got you out, somehow."

"Isn't that enough?" Sara looked at him accusingly. "It's over Sara, it's not going to happen again. We got all the people behind it, there's noone left to be any kind of threat. It's done, finished with.

"What about the nightmares? And this problem you're having eating? Jack, take a good look at yourself, it's not finished with!" Sara pointed out quietly. "Believe me I know, some scars never heal unless you let them."

"I talked to Daniel. He knows everything that happened," Jack said defensively.

"And what about the invisible damage, Jack?" Sara asked softly, "Who are you going to talk to about that?" Jack looked at her in confusion. "Who's going to share your fears, your terror, your nightmares? Who's going to share your hopes, Jack? What good is surviving all that if you can't share it? If noone else knows what you've overcome? Tell me, Jack, what good is that? How does that help you?"

She paused for a moment, swallowing against the lump in her throat, hating herself for trying to force him to talk about what he went through, but she needed to know, to share and understand, at least a little, before she could commit herself to even so much as spending one more moment in his arms, no matter how much she ached to hold him. "What good does it do you to know how terrified you were, when you're unable to share it with anyone, or show them how you're fighting your fears?"

"I talked to Daniel," Jack murmured again, knowing it was no answer, knowing that she was right. Nobody knew all of his nightmares, apparently not even him. They were still emerging now, as if to replace those he had defused by talking to Daniel three nights and a lifetime ago. Daniel had the facts now, but even he didn't know everything that had gone through Jack's mind, the depths he had sunk to. How often he had stared death in the face and wished it would come closer. Or how desperately afraid he had been. How could anyone know that? He would barely admit it to himself. How could he tell anyone else?

Anyone except Sara. She had been through it before with him. No matter how often he had slept in the yard all those months after returning from Iraq, Sara had been there for him. Somehow she understood what he had gone through, perhaps the words had been left unspoken, but she still knew.

They had been so close for so long, she knew what he had gone through from the look in his eyes, the tremor in his voice, the talk in his sleep. She had understood, offered comfort and support whenever he had needed it, yet she had never pressed him to tell her the truth about what had happened during his imprisonment. What had changed?

"It was hard enough for me to burden Daniel with everything that happened, how can I possibly weigh you down with it too?" Jack said at last, "And why would you even want to know all that?"

Sara hesitated for a moment, knowing there was one selfish reason that stood out above all her noble ones. "You called my name," her voice was barely a whisper. A frown of confusion creased Jack's forehead. "When you were asleep earlier," she explained quietly, "You called out my name. You were having a nightmare. What was it about?"

"I don't remember," he lied, lowering his gaze, "It could have been anything."

"It wasn't just anything, Jack. You called out my name," Sara protested gently, "I want to know why. I need to know why."

"I don't think I can tell you why," he said softly, glancing back up at her painfully, knowing there were some secrets he would never be able to share with anybody, some things that were destined to be locked up tight and buried deep in the hope they would never resurface. "But it doesn't mean anything. They're not really even nightmares, they're just remnants of......" he trailed off, struggling to find any words sufficiently neutral to not worry her further. Jack shrugged helplessly, rubbed a hand over his eyes and turned to stare out the window into the dark night beyond.

Sara studied him carefully, hating to see him so lost and defenceless, wanting to be able to comfort him. "Remnants of what, Jack?" she urged softly, coming further into the room.

"Just hallucinations, that's all," he whispered hoarsely, his voice distant, barely audible. "Very bad hallucinations," he added under his breath, never intending for her to hear. When he finally turned back from the window, he was shocked to find Sara had moved closer, standing just a few feet in front of him. She gazed at him, biting her lip against all the painful images flooding her mind with his words.

"Why?" she asked softly, stepping back to lean against the dresser by the wall, simply to suppress the urge to sit by his side. "What did they do to you, to cause hallucinations?" But Jack remained silent, unable to say the words.

He was staring at the floor, and Sara could see the unfocused look in his eyes as if he was somewhere else, perhaps trapped inside one of his nightmares. She put it into words for him, guessing what had most likely taken place, "What drugs did they give you?"

He didn't respond, but she saw him flinch at the image her question conjured up in his mind. His silence left her with only one more step she could possibly take, and it was a dangerous one for them both, because it was probably their last chance.

Sara stood upright off the dresser and moved towards him slowly. Not yet willing to risk sitting beside him, instead she stood, placing her hand lightly under his chin to tilt it towards her, forcing him to look into her enquiring eyes, to see her words, to draw him back from whateverwas tormenting his mind.

"Jack, what did they give you?"

His dark brown eyes slowly focused on her, clearly surprised to find her there, causing Sara to again wonder how powerful these images could be to drag him away from the real world so quickly and effectively.

"Tell me," Sara urged softly, sliding her hand to his cheek, so that he could not turn away from her gaze. "Please, Jack?"

Finally, he shrugged, speaking at last. "LSD," he said. Trying to make light of it he added, "Just your regular sixties overblown acid trip, that's all."

"LSD?" Sara repeated in horrified disbelief, a look of empathy shone in her eyes. "Injected?" Jack nodded almost imperceptibly, but she saw the wince he could not quite manage to suppress. "How much?" she asked faintly, "How much did they give you?"

Jack shrugged. "How should I know?" he said uncomfortably. He was not enjoying the conversation by any stretch of the imagination and wondered how it could possibly be helping anything. He lowered his gaze and Sara practically gave him whiplash, jerking his head back up sharply to face her. He frowned in annoyance until he saw the look in her eyes, really saw it for the first time, saw his pain reflected back at him, and he finally realised that she was already sharing the burden and it was not going to get any easier on her by him refusing to tell her the truth.

He opened his mouth to speak and her grip on his jaw softened in response. "I honestly don't know how much it was, I just know it was too much," he said hoarsely, unable to hide the memories from his voice, the feeling of helplessness, out of his mind and out of control. "In the end it knocked me out for a couple of days," he admitted bleakly.

Sara gazed at his downturned eyes for a long moment, absorbing the implications of his words, then she removed her hand from his face and turned her back on him. She didn't move away, she simply stood there, one hand covering her mouth, fingers trembling, trying to fight back the raw emotion suddenly impacting her head on with the shocking reality of what had been done to him.

When she spoke her voice was a choked whisper, "I thought LSD was really dangerous, doesn't it leave you with long term effects?" Jack didn't answer, there was nothing he could say to deny it. "Come on Jack, any sixties kid knows these things, you can't hide it from me."

"Doctor Fraiser said it's been known for flashbacks to reoccur," Jack finally said. He didn't tell her the time delay was anything up to twenty five years later. Some things were better left unsaid. "But it hardly matters, I'm used to them now, it'll just be like meeting an old friend!" he said, trying to make light of it. But apparently, his comment didn't help. Sara didn't say anything, she didn't turn to face him, she just stood absolutely still, practically within touching distance if he was bold enough.

Jack watched the tension in her back painfully, too afraid of her reaction if he said anymore, not daring to reach out to touch her, not even to force her to look at him the way she had done. Silence surrounded them, except for the night sounds creeping in on the gentle breeze through the open window. Until finally he realised that if ever he was going to take charge of the situation, perhaps now would be his only chance.

He stood up off the bed, slowly so that she would not be frightened by his movement, then he put out his hands and clasped her shoulders gently, turning her towards him. He was shocked to see tears on her face, his heart clenching painfully, knowing that he was to blame.

"Sara?" he whispered her name, trying to get her to look at him willingly, risking placing his fingers lightly on her chin to tilt her gaze up towards him. This time she didn't pull away, but she lowered her blue eyes, teardrops catching in her eyelashes and running down her cheeks. "Please don't cry," he pleaded softly, torn apart to see her this way, "I'm so sorry." He moved his fingers to wipe away a tear.

"It's not your fault, Jack," Sara murmured tearfully, wiping a trembling hand across her face in embarrassment, "I shouldn't have pushed you into telling me if I couldn't take it, should I?" She sniffled slightly, gulping hard, trying to regain control, "But when I think of you suffering like that it just tears me apart."

"I should never have told you," Jack berated himself, hating to see her in distress.

"Yes you should, Jack," Sara finally looked up, gazing at him with watery blue eyes, "We have to share everything if we're going to make this work."

He stared at her for a moment, realising the implications in what she was saying, hoping against hope that he finally had a chance to do something right. He moved his hands from her shoulders and enfolded her into his arms, gently, unthreateningly, offering his comfort if she so desired.

Sara slowly sank into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him, her head resting on his chest, feeling like a fool for being so melodramatic, but she knew that a lot of it was just tension. She had allowed herself to get overwrought, applying added pressure with the all or nothing demands she was making on herself as well as on Jack.

Now she realised they had made a start and that was enough to enable them to take the next step and then the next and the next and so on. Until maybe they would be able to regain some of what they had lost so long ago.

"One step at a time," she whispered softly, tilting her head to regard Jack with her watery gaze. She smiled slightly, resting against his warm damp t-shirt, remembering a conversation with Daniel almost a fortnight ago, when she had told him those exact words, the same thing he had apparently told Jack.

Jack met her gaze, recognising the words with a smile. "Yeah, one step at a time," he said softly, "Sounds like good advice to me. How about it?"

Sara nodded against his chest, feeling like they had come full circle to a new beginning.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eventually, Jack pulled Sara down to sit on the bed behind them, lifting his arms away from her so that she could escape if she wanted to, but she stayed with him, still wrapped tightly round him as if she was afraid to let go. She sat down beside him on the edge of the mattress and he placed his arms back around her, enveloping her warmly, happy to finally return some of the comfort and support she had given him over the years, even if it was him that had caused her distress in the first place.

It was a long time before Sara finally moved, she felt so safe and secure in Jack's arms that she was reluctant to do anything to endanger that feeling, but there was something she had to know, something that was plaguing her. An answer that had to be obtained before she would be ready to make the next move, a step that was lingering, heated and vibrant, requiring desperate fulfilment if she were to stay in his arms much longer.

She chewed her lip nervously, glancing up timidly to find his liquid brown eyes gazing down at her, watching over her protectively. She swallowed at the surge of feeling the look of love in his eyes stirred within her. "Jack, what happened to your side?" she whispered hesitantly, waiting for his shoulders to tense beneath her hands, still wrapped tightly around him.

But he remained relaxed, knowing that she needed him to tell her as much as he could, it would just require some extremely tactful phrasing. Besides, it didn't seem likely that anything else could possibly have as bad an impact as his initial confession. "The rib that I originally fractured got broken last week," he admitted. "It needed surgery and some pins to fix up, but it's healing fine, so long as I don't do anything stupid," he smiled reassuringly, unable to avoid the temptation to tenderly press his lips against her forehead in a soft kiss.

"How?" Sara asked simply. Jack's face showed that he did not understand her question. "How did it get broken?"

"Oh, um........Daniel and I got into a little trouble," Jack said, figuring Sara wouldn't be quite so concerned about him if he distracted her with Daniel's involvement. "These people were originally after Daniel, I just got in the way. They didn't like that Daniel foiled them and we had another little run in with them last week, nothing major. Besides we got all of them, Sara, locked up tight. It was worth a broken rib to achieve that," he added lightly.

Sara regarded him closely, nagging thoughts finally clicking into place, the new bruise on his chin, the kidney damage he had mentioned on Thursday evening and all the other livid colour across his chest that she had seen earlier. She knew he would never admit as much, but he had obviously been involved in an horrendous fight, apparently badly beaten. At least now she knew the truth, some of it.

She knew there were still things that Jack wasn't telling her, but it was a start. There were ways of getting more information if she wanted to, wily methods that he wouldn't even notice. She was a woman after all!

Nodding acceptance at his words, she asked with genuine concern, "What about Daniel? Is he okay?" They may only have met briefly, but she had quickly grown to like the man. From their short conversation, and for what he had done to help Jack, Sara knew that she owed Daniel a great deal.

"He's fine, good as new. In fact he's off back to Luxor on Monday with Captain Carter," Jack said with a grin, knowing he would miss his friend, but positive that the trip would be a lot less eventful this time. Besides they would only be gone for a week and the look of excitement on Daniel's face when Hammond had given his permission, on Jack's recommendation, had been worth waiting for. It had been the assurance Jack needed that things really were back to normal, for Daniel at least.

"Egypt?" Sara's quiet question cut into his thoughts and Jack realised he had unwittingly revealed something she didn't necessarily need to know. "Is that where this happened?"

He nodded cautiously, "Originally."

"But why would the Egyptians want to get hold of Daniel?" she asked, a puzzled frown creasing her tearstained face.

"They didn't," Jack realised he had no choice but to explain further, "The Egyptians weren't behind this."

"Then who was? And why?" She pulled away slightly to look at him properly, studying his face for any indication that he was hiding something.

Jack decided her second question was much easier to answer, "Money. That's all it was about."

Sara stared at him for a long moment, processing what he had and had not said, coming up with an explanation of her own, the only logical one she could think of. "American," she said softly, tentatively. "They were American." She shook her head in disbelief. His eyes did not deny her words, "Our own people did this to you?"

Jack regarded her uncomfortably. "It wasn't just Americans," he shrugged, trying to make light of it, "I guess you could call it a multinational affair."

"Oh, Jack!" Sara exclaimed miserably, renewed tears shining in her eyes as she thought of the injustice of it all.

"Hey, come on now," Jack said softly. His hands moved to her shoulders, lifting her off his chest to look at him. He gently placed a finger below her chin and tilted her gaze to meet his. "It's okay, look," he sat back with open arms and a smile that showed he was here in one piece, wasn't he. "It was just greed, Sara. Nobody is immune to that, no matter what we do for a living, sooner or later innocent people get sucked into it. The trick is surviving, and it was because of what we do that Daniel and I both managed it."

She regarded him dubiously and Jack caught a single tear trailing down her cheek with his knuckle. He leaned down to touch his lips to her face, tenderly kissing away the salty tears filling her eyes and staining her pale skin. He pressed a soft kiss to the mole on her cheek, his hands moving down her back to encircle her lovingly.

His brown eyes met her watery spellbound gaze and he moved in with a rakish grin to plant a kiss onto the end of her nose, realising just how much he had missed its delightful shape and the way her cheeks dimpled when she smiled. He kissed them next, then her chin and finally, unable to resist their temptation any longer, he placed his lips over hers. A soft, delicate touch, a promise of things to come if she so desired, and Jack suddenly knew that his life was in her hands now, and quite probably, forever.

He pulled back at that thought, finding himself holding his breath, waiting to see what she would do, whether she would decide to stay with him. So unsure of the outcome that he didn't dare to hope or dream.

Sara gazed at him, her eyes examining his face as he blinked at her ingenuously. Her hand reached up to trace a circle around the fading black bruise on his chin. Her fingers trailed up his cheek to reach the scar on his left temple which was slowly becoming a thin white blemish on his skin, soon it would be barely visible to anyone who did not know it was there.

She paused thoughtfully, then she moved in closer, pressing her lips against the mark on his chin. She shifted on the bed, turning to reach up to his forehead to kiss his damaged temple. Moving back downwards, she placed baby soft kisses on his eyelids, his high cheekbones, which still stood out a little too prominently. Then to his nose, playfully rubbing hers against his as she settled her lips over his mouth in a tentative kiss.

Jack responded gently, absorbing every moment of contact, holding back his urge to take Sara in his arms and deepen the kiss until they were breathless. He did not want to make any moves that might still scare her off, instead resolving to let Sara control the situation for as long as she needed to.

Drawing away from his lips, she regarded him wordlessly, a slow smile that he could not read, dimpling her features. Disappointed by the loss of contact, Jack waited with bated breath to see what would happen next.

Sara's hands moved down to his waist, toying with the bottom of his t-shirt, still hanging loosely where she had untucked it earlier. Gradually, she began to raise the soft white material, her eyes holding his gaze, her fingers sliding up inside to brush against his smooth skin, sending a shiver down his spine at her delicate touch.

She shifted on the edge of the bed, moving to kneel beside him as she lifted her hands higher, slowly pulling the cotton shirt from his body. Her mouth widened into a pleased smile when Jack raised his arms obediently so she could pull it over his head. He shivered again as she let her fingers run the length of his inner arms, wickedly tickling all the way up.

Clear of his body, Sara tossed the clothing onto the bed and turned to look at him. She grinned at the way his hair was sticking up every which way where the neck of his t-shirt had dragged against it. She reached across to smooth it into place, stroking her hands slowly through the soft grey and brown strands and working around to brush down stubborn tufts at the back of his head.

Her sensuous fingers trailed down to the nape of his neck, inexorably closing in on his ears, playing with the lobes before dropping to his shoulders and tracing the line of his collar bone. Her eyes followed one hand, until they reached his chin and she shifted her gaze back to meet his, finding him staring at her silently, almost bashfully as he watched her in his half naked state, completely under her spell.

Sara stroked an index finger across his lips and he moved to lightly kiss it. Her hand drifted down to rest on his chest, her fingers tangling in the soft smattering of hair as she leaned in to kiss him again. Her mouth met his in a whisper of breath, tantalisingly brief, before she moved on, working her way around to his back. Her hand followed, trailing up his chest and coming to rest on his shoulder to stop him from turning towards her.

Sitting back on her heels, Sara ran her gaze over Jack's strong muscular frame, examining his body for any signs of recent damage. The fingers of her other hand traced a slow line down his spine, raising goosebumps in their wake. Her eyes followed their progress, reaching the base of his back where she saw the expanse of abnormal colour, now beginning to fade brown and yellow. It had obviously been the source of his bruised kidney as well as a fair amount of pain judging by the dark shading and the size of the area it spread over, disappearing beneath the waist of his jeans and matching the black material far too closely in places.

Sara bit her lip against the renewed surge of emotion that threatened to sidetrack her. Instead she leaned in close and placed baby soft kisses on his shoulder blades, slowly lowering her head to work her way down the warm smooth skin of his back. He shivered deliciously beneath her touch, automatically tilting forward as she moved downwards, enabling her soft red lips to easily reach the lowest bruises above the belt of his jeans.

Her hands caressed him, his skin quivering beneath her warm breathy kisses. She began to work her way back up his body, her blonde hair tickling his spine as she moved higher. Slowly, gently, she wrapped her hands around his shoulders, letting her fingers drift downwards as she pressed her body against his, encircling him, enfolding his warmth in her arms.

Sara's long slim fingers slid down into the soft light hairs on his chest, stroking the muscles of his abdomen as they moved lower, careful to avoid the more severe damage of his left side. She placed soft kisses on his shoulders, blowing on the fine hair at the nape of his neck until he shivered again, gradually working round until her lips found a new target and began nibbling on his left earlobe.

Her hands continued to drift downwards, reaching the tightened constriction of his jeans, stroking his length through the black denim, relishing the hardness her actions were provoking. She undid his leather belt and playfully slipped her fingers beneath the thick material, her slim hand sliding in easily, loose as the waistband was from the weight he had recently lost.

With her arms still closed around him, trapping him, her body pressing against his back, she fondled his erection wickedly, making him shudder with her erotic touch. She let her fingers dip into the top of his boxers to stroke his engorged tip and he emitted a throaty groan.

"No fair," Jack whispered huskily, his eyes closing as he tilted back against her body, savouring her tantalisingly slow ministrations, but wondering how long he could possibly keep control of his urges.

He wanted to take over, to set them both free from the confines of their clothing. To smother Sara's naked body with kisses and let his hands caress her breasts. To tangle his tongue with her nipples and to sink long fingers into her warm dampness. He wanted to make love with her until they were both spent, sated and exhausted. But he also wanted so much more, he wanted her happiness, her comfort and support, and he wanted her company. If letting Sara maintain control for as long as she needed would help give him any of that, then so be it. Jack knew that eventually his chance would come, he just had to be patient, to sit back and enjoy every long drawn out pleasure filled second.

Finally, Sara's hand released him, just when he thought he might burst if she continued to fondle and rub him with her sensuous fingers. He let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding and felt her moving against him again, sliding her body around to his left. She unclasped his shoulders to kneel by his side, examining his bruised chest and damaged ribs with a critical eye.

Gently she placed her hands against the top of his arms and nudged him backwards, urging him to lie down on the soft quilt. He did as he was told and she let him move higher up the mattress so that he didn't simply slide off the edge of the bed. He studied her with dark eyes, heavy with desire as Sara filled her view with the sight of his battered torso.

Forcing herself to accept the fact of his injuries, she set about kissing them better. A long and arduous task, she thought with a sly smile as she began just below his collar bone. Painstakingly seeking out each bruise, recent or faded, she pressed her soft lips against them tenderly, breathing on his skin and nuzzling against the fine hair on his chest to leave a trail of fire and goosebumps across his long slim body.

When she reached his lower right side, she stopped, sitting up slightly to lift his right hand. She looked at Jack, seeking his permission for her next action. He blinked at her, understanding passing between them. Sara turned back to his hand and gently pulled at the Velcro fastening on his wrist. Gingerly she eased off the strap supporting and protecting his hand, needing to see his fingers for herself.

Free at last, Jack wiggled his fingertips about an inch back and forth, feeling the pull on the stiffened tendons as he demonstrated the movement that was returning slowly but surely to his hand. Sara smiled softly, pleased at the increasing flexibility, certain that they already moved further than she had seen them at the diner just the previous evening.

Delicately, she touched her lips to the back of his hand, kissing lightly, working her way along the long slim digits. When she reached his fingertips, she pressed baby soft kisses against them, before giving into temptation and drawing his index finger into her mouth seductively, tasting it, sucking it.

Eventually, she released his hand with a satisfied smile and he dragged his damp fingernail across her kiss swollen lips. Letting his hand drift down her neck to brush against her left breast, before he slowly lowered it to the bed and she backed away to return her attention to his torso.

Gradually she worked across his stomach and abdomen, until the only remaining unkissed damage was that on his left side. As she regarded it closely, tears pricked her eyelids once more, unable to stop herself from imagining the pain and hurt that had been inflicted upon him with that terrible injury. She bent her head down to press her lips onto the still pink surgical scar, before smothering the remaining huge blackened bruise with kisses so delicate, that to Jack they felt like a whisper of warm air against his ribs.

Sara lifted her head once more and reached out to touch the scar with a trembling fingertip. Jack felt her trace a pattern around the circle of bruising in a way that brought a sudden vivid memory to the forefront of his mind. He shuddered involuntarily at the image, unable to quash the terrifying recollection of blind helplessness as his attacker had sized up his already damaged ribs, examining the bruised area before smashing a fist into the centre to break them completely. Jack vaguely remembered the awful crack that had cut through the silence before the most excruciating wave of pain he had ever been subjected to made him pass out lifelessly.

Detecting the tension in his reaction, Sara glanced across at him to see a flash of fear pass over his eyes like a shadow, his face going slightly pale beneath his flushed cheeks. She understood what he was thinking about immediately and pulled her hand away rapidly, studying him for awhile before she finally spoke. "Punch or kick?" she asked quietly, unsure why she could possibly want to know something like that and wondering if she had badly overstepped the boundaries this time.

For a long moment, Jack didn't answer her, closing his eyes tightly to push away the memory. He gulped painfully, afraid to tell her the truth, but even more scared of what might happen if he did not. "Both," he eventually admitted, his voice barely audible. Sara gazed at him, her head tilted to one side, a frown creasing her forehead, until Jack was ready to explain. "A kick fractured it originally, then a punch broke it," he swallowed hard against the fresh images in his mind.

Jack felt the mattress move as Sara shifted position, leaning down to touch her lips to his mouth in a gentle kiss. She placed her hands on the quilt either side of his head and dipped lower to deepen the contact, pressing against him ardently, pushing her tongue between his teeth to tangle with his, tasting his hot breath mixing with her own.

Responding eagerly, Jack willingly let the sensations she was provoking overpower all cognisant thought, realising that perhaps he had finally found a successful method of fighting back the memories. He smiled slightly against Sara's mouth, wondering how she would feel if he told her that.

A drop of liquid suddenly hit his cheek and Jack eyes flickered open, his hand reaching to Sara's face to catch the next tear that slid down her pale skin. He edged away from her kiss and ran his fingers tenderly down her jaw, cupping a hand to her cheek. She leaned into it, nuzzling, her eyes closed, tears caught in her long eyelashes.

"Sara?" Jack urged softly, needing her to look at him, "Hey?" Timidly she blinked at him, her watery gaze tugging at his heart. "You know I'll shrink if you keep crying all over me like this," he said gently.

She smiled feebly. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, about to offer an explanation, when Jack pressed a finger to her lips to quieten her.

"It's okay, hush. It's not a problem." Jack frowned at her slightly, "Sara, I just want to see you happy, but I'm worried you never will be with me around to upset you like this."

Somehow, Jack's words prompted even more tears and he sat up gingerly, pulling her into a hug. "I am happy," Sara sniffled against him, her tears dampening his chest.

Jack couldn't hold back a soft laugh. "You could have fooled me," he murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head tenderly. "Are you sure?" he added quizzically.

Sara nodded against him. "Positive!" she said with an emphatic whisper, finally lifting her head back up to gaze at him, "I love you Jack. I never stopped loving you or wanting you." She lowered her eyes hesitantly, "And I know we haven't exactly thrashed out everything about why I left, but somehow you've changed since then. I don't quite know how, I can't explain it, but you're different. You're more like your old self, like you were when we were a family. That's why I'm happy. And that's why I'm crying. Not just because of what's been done to you, but because I'm wondering how much we've missed by being apart for too long." She paused for breath and Jack placed a hand under her chin, tipping her head up to meet his gaze.

"I love you too Sara. I always have," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "And all this," he gestured with his right hand, "All this was worth it if it's brought us back together. Believe me, none of this was nearly as painful as losing you," he added quietly. His left arm wrapped round her even tighter at the sudden memory of finding her gone, out of his life, three years earlier.

Finally he studied her closely, a sly smile playing on his lips, "Now how about we make up for some of that lost time?" Sara's smile matched his as he pulled her towards him, pressing his mouth against hers eagerly, their jaws flexing and moving in time, kissing until they were both breathless, their tongues tangling until they ached.

Jack let his hands slide down her back, feeling her warmth through her cream blouse. Reaching the base of her spine, they slipped beneath the soft material, trailing sensually across her silky skin. Sara shivered delightfully, arching her back and moving her fingers down to play in the soft hairs on his chest, tweaking his nipples into hard nubs until he was forced to fight back.

Sliding his hands around to her soft belly, Jack rested his right on the bare skin above the waist of her jeans. He lifted his left hand out from beneath her blouse and touched her cheek, tracing the line of her jaw with a pleasant feeling of deja vu, brushing across her collar bone and down her neck to deftly loosen her top button.

Sara's hands trailed down Jack's chest to rest on his hips, softly stroking the smooth skin of his abdomen back and forth as she breathed shallowly absorbing every heavenly sensation of his touch on her body. Jack's fingers slid lower, undoing the next button and the next, until her blouse hung loose. He brushed his fingertips up and down the opening, his delicate touch raising goosebumps on her sensitive skin from her neck to her belly button.

His left hand rose once more to stroke the soft skin of her breasts where they emerged from the confines of her lace bra. His long fingers toyed with her wickedly, rubbing against the thin material, straying closer and closer to the centre, loving the way Sara held her breath in response.

Finally, Jack let his thumb catch on her nipple, already erect and poking hard against the confining lace. Her back arched, pressing against his hand as he began to massage her breast, softly, tantalisingly until he squeezed her nipple firmly to provoke a shudder of ecstasy down the length of her slim body.

Raising both hands, he slowly, steadily, slipped her blouse from her shoulders, leaving it to rest at her elbows, constraining her movements unless she wanted to shrug out of it herself, which would require her to move away from the hands that had begun to stroke her breasts again.

Gazing at her hungrily, Jack slid his fingers deftly beneath the thin straps of her bra, lowering each side down her tanned arms until her breasts were fully exposed. He moved his left hand to cup her right breast, teasing her nipple with his thumb, smiling at her breathy moan.

He raised his eyes to her face, heavy with desire, seeing the same emotions reflected in her dark blue gaze, watching him intently. Permission implicitly given, he dipped his head to her erect nipple, taking it into his mouth eagerly. He let his tongue tease the firmness, his teeth nibbled, his lips kissed her flesh, rubbing against her breast and sucking the hardened centre into a point. His left hand massaged her other breast as he did so. His right hand moved to rest in the small of her back, his splayed fingers pushing lightly beneath the waist of her jeans.

Sara's back arched and her hands pushed through his hair to the back of his head, pressing herself hard against his mouth to obtain more of his pleasurable actions. When her fingers moved down to trace circles on his muscular shoulders, Jack lifted his head, withdrawing his mouth slowly, pulling her nipple even further erect as he drew away, admiring the glistening dampness with lustful eyes.

Moving his head across to pay equal attention to her left breast, Jack let his left hand slide up Sara's back to find the hook of her bra. He released it deftly, as his tongue flicked at her nipple, grinning to himself with the knowledge that some skills were never forgotten. He pulled her blouse all the way off her arms, dropping it to the floor, before removing the slip of lace underwear from between their bodies and proceeding to move his hand down to her belly.

Slowly he undid the button of her jeans, before gradually pulling down the zip. He pushed long fingers beneath the washed out denim, finding the edge of her panties and dipping below them to tangle in her soft fine hair. Sara's hands clutched at his back, pressing even harder against his mouth. He bit her nipple gently with his teeth as he slid his fingers into the hot dampness between her legs, seeking out her most intimate erogenous zones and homing in quickly, rubbing his fingers against her as she shuddered and moaned in exquisite pleasure.

Her hands moved to his own jeans, clenching at his erection through the denim material as she quivered again in ecstasy, barely able to control her excitement as his fingers slipped inside her. Sara fumbled at his button and zip until they were undone, pushing the denim away from his waist with her hands. She stroked the cotton of the boxer shorts that constrained him, her hand gripping him more firmly as the movement of his fingers increased inside her, her hand rubbing his stiffness as their fervour grew.

Jack shuddered against her breast, lifting his mouth quickly before he bit down too hard. Dangerously aroused, he pulled away from her clutches, withdrawing his own hand and sitting back on the bed, breathing hard. He turned slowly, ever mindful of his damaged side, reaching his hands to her shoulders to nudge her down onto the quilt. Sara laid down obediently, watching him with dark eyes, heavy with the intensity of her need. She shivered as he brushed his fingers across her breasts, slowly and deliberately.

His hands drifted languorously down her body. His index finger dragged over her lips, tormenting her as he pulled it out of the way before she could take it into her mouth. He stroked her neck, her collar bone, the rise and fall of her breasts, lingering to massage and toy with her nipples, before journeying downwards sensuously. His long fingers trailed erotically down her ribs across her soft belly to eventually rest at her hips.

Reaching for the waist of her jeans, he gently began to slide the denim down her legs, using his left hand to pull them off, avoiding the temptation to overstress his unbound right hand and enjoying the consequent slowness of his task, as his eyes drank in the wondrous sight of her increasing nudity.

He shifted to the edge of the bed to slip off her ankle boots, then he continued to slowly work her jeans down her legs, stroking the smooth skin with his hands as he went, feeling every inch of her thighs, tickling behind her knees and down her calves. When he reached her ankles, he finally stood up to pull the denim material over her feet. He removed her fluffy white socks and stroked the top of her feet before he dipped his head to kiss her toes one by one.

Sara savoured every exquisite moment as he continued to place kisses along her legs, trailing one hand between them until he reached her pelvis, rubbing his fingers up and over her white cotton underwear, feeling the heat emanating from within. He knelt beside her waist, slid his fingers down the side of her panties and slowly pulled them down her legs. Removing them completely, he dropped them to the floor atop her jeans.

He turned to face her, drinking in her nakedness, his eyes glinting wickedly, lustfully. His hands rested on her feet, slowly pushing them apart and trailing up her legs as he moved back onto the bed between them. His head dipped close to the quilt, spreading her thighs around him as he moved in to kiss her most intimate parts. She raised her hips eagerly, lifting herself towards him, practically purring with pleasure, as his tongue reached inside her soft wet folds, tasting her, kissing her until he was breathless.

Eventually Jack raised his head, panting, his cheeks as flushed as her own. Sara rose up to meet him, eyes hungry with desire. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she pulled him against her naked breasts to kiss him passionately, her hands tangling in his hair, fingers raking down his back with increasing frenzy. His hand slid between her legs, dipping into the heated dampness to continue his pleasurable ministrations, extracting a throaty moan of ecstasy.

Sara's lips pressed harder against his mouth and her hands shifted to his waist, pushing his open jeans down onto his hips. Her fingers dipped inside his boxer shorts to fondle him. Feeling herself nearing the brink, she pushed his hand away from her and pulled him even closer, shifting on the bed until they were both kneeling facing each other, gazing at each other with intense desire.

Her fingers pushed at his jeans again, forcing them down his legs, trapping him at the knees. She moved her hands to his shoulders, urging him to lie back. Slowly she dragged the denim down his legs and off his feet, removing his socks and returning to his waist, kneeling over him breathlessly as she regarded the boxer shorts constraining him.

Holding his heady gaze, she lightly stroked her hand across the cotton, watching his reaction to her tantalising touch. She began to slowly pull the shorts down his hips, revealing his hardened length, inch by inch. She teased him with the brush of her fingertips, dipping her head low enough to almost kiss him, but not quite, watching him quiver in anticipation.

He held his breath, watching her torment him, waiting. Eventually exposing him fully, Sara slid the boxers the rest of the way down his legs and dropped them to the floor. With a mischievous grin, she shifted on the bed to sit astride his thighs, loving the feel of his nakedness beneath her damp body.

She dipped her head to take his engorged tip in her mouth. Her eyes sparkled wickedly at the sound of Jack's sharp intake of breath and she began to run her tongue the full length of his stiffness. Her fingers began to stroke the soft indent where his legs reached his abdomen, the pale skin trembling to her touch. Jack groaned, low and deep, his hand clenching with the effort of restraining himself until he reached for her shoulders, pulling her up towards him.

Happy to take all the time in the world, Sara laid against his right side, her hand softly brushing up and down his body. She pushed herself up on her elbow and leaned across to kiss him again, her firm breasts rubbing against his chest seductively. Her hand moved to his groin again, unable to stop herself from stroking her fingers along his erection, feeling the length of it, the hardness of it, knowing she would enjoy the full benefit of it soon enough.

Jack pushed up onto his right elbow and leaned across to take her nipple in his mouth, panting with the effort of holding back, to go at Sara's painstaking pace, the intensity of his need almost too overpowering. Knowingly, he slipped his fingers back inside her, rubbing against the hot wetness of her pubic bone until she moaned and shuddered once more. She tried to push him away, but this time he fought her, until she clamped her hand over his wrist to stop his movements. Flicking his tongue around her nipple he took it between his teeth and bit it wickedly, teasing her into the frenzy that seemed ultimately necessary to force her to make the final move.

As he tried to move his fingers within her again, Sara finally gave in and begged, "Please Jack, don't. I want to feel you inside me," she said, her voice seductively low.

He raised his gaze to meet hers, his eyes glinting with fiery hunger. Removing his mouth from her nipple, he kissed her breast softly one more time before continuing the trail. Up her neck, her chin, her nose, her eyelids, her forehead, until his lips left her body to make a brief pause.

Sara raised her head up curiously, watching Jack stretch across as best he could, to reach the nightstand. Pulling the top drawer open he rummaged, feeling sure he had one of those little beggars in there somewhere, after all, he was bound to have collected one from his BDUs somewhere along the line. They issued condoms to every soldier on every mission, no matter what country or what planet they were going to, even the preachers were given them out in the field, for reasons he had never quite established.


"Jack don't, there's no need," Sara's voice was so soft and muffled beneath him, that he thought he'd misheard her. He stopped rummaging and glanced down at her for a long moment, his left hand still hovering over the drawer, seeking clarification. She met his dark eyes, her own reflecting his heady passion, "I want to feel you inside me like when we were husband and wife," she said almost shyly, "I don't want anything between us."

"But......."

She cut him off before he could raise all the logical arguments. "Have you done anything that would make you need to get tested?" she asked bluntly, her shyness rapidly diminishing in her desperate desire to fulfil her need, her own way.

"Well, no, but......," Jack admitted truthfully. He could count the list of conquests, since Sara had left him, on one finger of one hand and that had been a strange drug induced mistake on another planet entirely. That brief, admittedly pleasure filled, encounter had certainly had its ill effects, but nothing long term that was a danger to him or anyone else.

"Well neither have I," Sara said as though it were that simple.

"But what about......?"

She interrupted him again. "All those years we were trying, I only got pregnant once," she said almost sorrowfully, "Doesn't seem likely to happen now, does it? And to be perfectly honest, I don't know that it would be such a bad thing," she said, her blue eyes glistening.

For a long moment Jack held her gaze with a look of such profound understanding that Sara thought her heart would break in two. Not for the first time she wondered where they had gone wrong to allow themselves to become so far apart in the last three years. Then he pushed the drawer closed and pulled her towards him, wrapping her in his arms. Their lips met and all thought was lost in the grip of renewed passion.

As she sank once more into the depths of his kiss, the remaining part of Sara's consciousness that still had a tiny amount of control over her moves made two logical calculations. Jack found himself being pushed back onto the bed as Sara sat astride his legs once more, deciding it was the preferred position to reduce risk to his ribcage and prolong their pleasure as much as possible, which didn't seem likely to be long at all, given the intense state of arousal they had both already reached.

Once more she leaned down to kiss his hardened length, slowly moving herself up his hips. This time he groaned when her lips left his engorged tip to place soft kisses on his stomach, his chest, his nipples, his collar bone, his neck. Arriving at his mouth, Sara's lips met his eagerly, their tongues tangling in a brief frenzied kiss, before she lifted herself back upright and repositioned her hips.

At last she raised her body to draw him inside her, shuddering with exquisite pain as his stiff erection plunged deep, sliding with ease through her erotic dampness. She closed her eyes to the overwhelming sensation, feeling him fill her, lengthening and hardening even more as she began to move her body rhythmically, a slow teasing pace that she knew would soon give way to the immense strength of their combined carnal needs.

Her body moved up and down his shaft, drawing away from him until only his tip was inside her before she gradually lowered back onto him, moaning rapturously as his hardness rubbed against her most sensitive spot.

Jack's hands stroked her body, running up her smooth legs where they pressed against his slim hips, holding her tightly as he thrust inside her. His hands moved higher to fondle her breasts and Sara leaned towards him, dragging slowly along his erect penis again. She reached to kiss his forehead, letting him take a nipple into his mouth as she lowered back down onto him, shuddering as she felt herself so close to the brink. She knew from well remembered experience that Jack was always able to hold himself back much better than she could, if she carried on like this she wouldn't last much longer.

Sara settled her hips down over his, her hands trailing lightly up his sides as she leaned over his chest. His sensuous mouth teased her breasts, his tongue flicked at her nipple and she moaned erotically, yearning to feel him plunging hard within her. He panted hotly against her skin, sucking each nipple taut and firm with his lips, drawing away from her, gazing at the erect red points hungrily.

Sensing her building need was nearing its peak, Jack's pelvis moved in growing rhythm. He trailed his hands back down to hold her hips, thrusting vigorously inside her with increasing pace as his own climax grew closer with overpowering speed.

Her hands clenched over his pulling him inside her even harder as her breathing fast approached an orgasmic peak. She grasped Jack's hips, pushing against him forcefully as he drove even deeper within her, pushing her closer to the brink until suddenly the sensations overwhelmed her and Sara cried out, her whole body shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through her.

She continued to hold him tightly, milking every last erotic stirring of her orgasm, until Jack peaked himself. He cried out with a loud gasp, his breathing forced as he thrust even harder with his final climactic bursts, his senses overcome by the incredible power of the act, sensations that he had not experienced for far too long.

Finally spent, Jack panted hard, trying to bring his breath back under control as he finally acknowledged the dull ache emanating from his left side, pain that he knew had been there all along, but had not mattered one iota before their climax.

Sara hung her head, her body heaving, reluctant to move as she felt him stirring deliciously inside her, a final spark of life before they both collapsed in an exhausted sweat drenched heap. When Jack's breathing had returned to normal, Sara slowly lowered herself onto his chest, cautiously leaning over his right side as she slid down beside him, reluctantly raising her hips to release him.

He wrapped his right arm around her shoulders and she nuzzled against his side, her face flushed and glowing. Her fingers splayed over his torso, playing in the soft damp hairs on his chest, before stroking his abdomen until the flesh quivered beneath her gentle touch.

Jack's left hand reached across to her right breast, fondling and massaging, teasing her nipple with his thumb as their breathing eventually slowed. He placed soft kisses to her forehead and watched her eyelids gradually close, a look of contentment lighting her face.

As her breathing settled into a shallow sleep filled pattern, Jack continued to study her, absorbing every wondrous part of her physically and mentally. He noticed the way some things had not changed at all in the years they had been apart, adoring the way Sara still fell straight to sleep after their lovemaking, satisfied and spent, having always thrown herself into it wholly and eagerly.

His pulse finally began to slow down and Jack noticed the cool breeze coming in through the bedroom window, raising goosebumps on Sara's naked damp flesh. Gently he pulled his arm from beneath her shoulders and slowly shifted to slide off the bottom of the bed. He held his right hand against his left side for support as he stood up, feeling the ache in his overstressed ribs as he padded softly over to pull the window closed a little. He knew he would pay for that in the morning, but it was not as bad as the pain he had felt the first day after he had begun his excursions up and down the SGC's twenty eight levels of stairs.

Leaving the window open a few inches, Jack lifted a blanket off the arm of the sofa situated beneath the long window, opening it up as he walked back towards the bed to spread it over Sara's rapidly cooling body. He took one final look at her sensual naked figure before he covered her, memorising every intimate part, barely daring to dream that there would be more chances than this.

Finally Jack switched off the lamp on the nightstand before he laid back down beside her, resting on his right side to face her, his left hand softly stroking the curve of her waist. He leaned across to kiss the tip of her nose once more as he settled his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, wondering if he would finally dream freely that night

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